dinner for mom!

 i am the queen of making fancy meals for around 5 bucks a head. less because i dont have to buy spices etc every single time i cook or whatever. i wrote out my methodology for a friend, but i thought, with mother's day right around the corner and money being tight for a lot of people, i would share it a bit more publicly for those who want to celebrate with a nice dinner but your wallet's a little thin right now.

the prices are estimates, of course, because prices vary across different states. but in general all of these items are very cheap and you may even have some already in your kitchen. i included two different options, one which involves making your own (very basic) spaghetti sauce and one using jarred sauce. i do most of my shopping at walmart, but some of these things if not all of them can also be gotten from the dollar tree, dollar general, or a grocery store---but the grocery store will be a bit more expensive. either way both options should cost you less than $15 to make.

option 1:

ingredients

• 1 lb box of spaghetti/angel hair/whatever - $0.98
• 1 large can of tomato sauce - $0.88
• 1 large can of ttomato puree - $0.88
• 1 small can of tomato paste - $0.88
• 1 lb of chop/ground beef/meat - $3.00-$4.00
• 1 loaf of italian or french bread - $1.88
• 1 canister of grated parmesan cheese - $2.48
• butter/margarine/butter substitute - $1.98
• some spices if you don't have any already - $.50-$2.00

spaghetti sauce

• mix the tomato products in a pot
• add spices (oregano, garlic, onion, italian seasoning, basil, pepper, whatever you like)
• simmer on low heat for as many hours as possible. add a tablespoon of baking soda to cut the acid if desired.
• brown the meat in little chopped up bits and put the same spices you used for the sauce in the pan (make sure there's no red visible anymore)
• dump the browned spiced meat AND the liquid drippings into the sauce pot. (trust me. the drippings are where all the flavor comes from.) 
• continue simmering the sauce. it should be on the stove for at least 3-4 hours before you serve it to really get the most taste.

garlic bread

• mix up some melted butter, grated parmesan, and garlic powder or garlic salt in a small cup or bowl
• cut the italian bread into 1-inch-thick slices, without cutting all the way through to the bottom of the loaf.
• spread the butter mixture between every slice, wrap the whole thing in tin foil 
• stick it in the oven at 250-300* depending on your oven for about a half hour to an hour, checking it regularly to make sure it doesnt burn. 
• once the inside is a nice light brown (the slices will be slightly crispy but softer in the middle) it's ready to go.

spaghetti/angel hair/linguine/whatever

• boil some water in a pot and put a capful of extra virgin olive oil in the water if desired
• cook the spaghetti. (that was super easy, right?)

option 2:

ingredients

• 1 lb box of spaghetti/angel hair/whatever - $0.98
• 1 jar of premade spaghetti sauce (i prefer the "meat flavored" prego) - $1.88
• 1 loaf of italian or french bread - $1.88
• 1 canister of grated parmesan cheese - $2.48
• butter/margarine/butter substitute - $1.98
• garlic powder or garlic salt - $0.98

follow the directions from option 1, skipping the make-your-own-sauce bit.

light some candles, turn on some easy listening music and voila, you have a super fancy dinner for less than 15 bucks! :)

and yes, in case anyone was wondering, i am terrific while watching the price is right. if i ever got on that show i would win ALL the things because i know exactly how much pretty much anything costs.

my girlfriend calls me and asks "how much does this thing cost" and i can tell her right away. once we were at pier one and she was buying xmas presents for all her co-workers and non-family obligations (about 20 people total.)

she looked in the basket when she was done and said "how much money do you think i spent?" and i hadn't even been with her when she picked out half the things--i was off wandering on my own--so i didnt even see any of the prices. but i looked over her basket of presents, gift bags, wrapping paper, gift tags, cards, ribbons, etc for all 20 people, and i said "around $215 bucks." she paled and said there was no way. i just shrugged. we got up to the register, they ran her up.. total including tax? $211.78.

she just looked at me. and now its like a party trick.

and hey, that was a lot of money but broken down she only spent about 10 bucks a person and included the gifts themselves, the wrapping, cards, etc. not too shabby.

any way, i hope you all enjoy the upcoming holidays and i hope somebody out there benefits from this post.

until next time, dear minions. :)

"there is no mountain i’ve found here that i can move.."

when it rains, it pours. i am barely holding my life together with both hands. my SSI income is just barely enough to cover my rent with enough left over for a coffee or two if im lucky. and today i received a letter from my landlord stating that there will be a 4% increase in my rent. because clearly i'm not already paying far more per month than this tiny, cramped apartment with a multitude of shady neighbors moving in, no handicapped parking, and a flight of steps that seems to get longer every time i have to climb it.

i haven't gotten my tuition refund yet so i went to student accounting on tuesday to ask why. they screwed up and something was checked off as full time even though i'm half time JUST LIKE LAST SEMESTER, and even though my tuition bill and financial aid letter were completely in line with half-time. i was expecting this money *last week*. i said, how long until its disbursed to my bank account? she goes, 3-4 days. i'm like.. my bills are already overdue.. i've got a shutoff notice on my electric cause i'm a month behind.. her response? "start calling family." i just looked at her for a minute and then said "i don't have any." because that's much simpler than explaining that my family is poor too. that i'm not like these 18 year old kids who can just pick up a phone and have a wire transfer in ten minutes. do you not think that i thought of asking my family already? i've cost my grandmother enough money because of my shitty health.. and even she doesn't understand exactly how much all the OTC things i need cost. there's all sorts of things that i need or have needed that insurance won't cover. she wanted to know why i had to buy my walker out of pocket. well, i have no reflexive response in my left leg and both legs frequently buckle while walking. but we don't know why yet. of course everyone suspects mitochondrial disease, but it's not an official diagnosis. and nothing else that i'm diagnosed with at this point is justification in medicare's eyes for a walker. i take benedryl very often to help with my allergies and nausea. it works fantastic and it's much more gentle than any prescription allergy med i could take.. but it means i have to buy it myself. tegaderms for my pain patches. adult diapers. organizational shelving baskets and drawers to organize the insane amount of medical supplies i have as well as keeping dangerous things out of reach of my very curious cats.

how nice it must be, for people who can just ring up mommy or daddy every time they need money. when i ring up my grandmother for something it means *she has to go without* so i simply don't do it unless its a serious necessity. my grandmother has spent her entire life sacrificing for this family and i am shouldering a tremendous weight every single day of my life over how much i'm costing her financially, and how much i am costing my entire family
(not to mention everyone else in my life as well) emotionally and mentally. before i got so sick i had a handle on things for the most part. after i managed to beat back all the false diagnoses (including bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and dissociative identity disorder) and get off the 17 psych meds i was on, and i was finally a functioning human being. six years of my life are *blank*--i simply dont remember them thanks to all the medications i was on simply because nobody considered the idea that i might be autistic until well into adulthood. i was officially diagnosed with asperger syndrome about two years ago and the only psychiatric medication i take is something for anxiety now. i've made huge strides and i turned my life around. i worked hard to get myself on a positive trajectory, to become a person who accomplished things. a person who mattered.

and now everything is broken. it's all falling apart. i can't survive on my own, and all i am doing is causing the people i love pain and suffering. i cannot think of a single person who wouldn't be at least slightly better off if i ceased to exist. all i do is cost money and cause worry. i'm a walking breathing human shaped burden and i hate myself for it.

my grandmother. my mother. my sister. my brother. my aunts and uncles. my cousins. my friends. i *cost* everyone in my life in one way or another. i don't understand how something so worthless can cost so very much. but everyone would be better off if i got hit by a truck tomorrow. people would grieve and then move on with their lives just like everyone does when someone dies. world keeps spinning, life goes on. i wish i had it in me to remove myself from the equation, but i dont. so ill just keep on going and infecting everyone around me like the plague, and sitting here uselessly while they suffer.