dinner for mom!

 i am the queen of making fancy meals for around 5 bucks a head. less because i dont have to buy spices etc every single time i cook or whatever. i wrote out my methodology for a friend, but i thought, with mother's day right around the corner and money being tight for a lot of people, i would share it a bit more publicly for those who want to celebrate with a nice dinner but your wallet's a little thin right now.

the prices are estimates, of course, because prices vary across different states. but in general all of these items are very cheap and you may even have some already in your kitchen. i included two different options, one which involves making your own (very basic) spaghetti sauce and one using jarred sauce. i do most of my shopping at walmart, but some of these things if not all of them can also be gotten from the dollar tree, dollar general, or a grocery store---but the grocery store will be a bit more expensive. either way both options should cost you less than $15 to make.

option 1:

ingredients

• 1 lb box of spaghetti/angel hair/whatever - $0.98
• 1 large can of tomato sauce - $0.88
• 1 large can of ttomato puree - $0.88
• 1 small can of tomato paste - $0.88
• 1 lb of chop/ground beef/meat - $3.00-$4.00
• 1 loaf of italian or french bread - $1.88
• 1 canister of grated parmesan cheese - $2.48
• butter/margarine/butter substitute - $1.98
• some spices if you don't have any already - $.50-$2.00

spaghetti sauce

• mix the tomato products in a pot
• add spices (oregano, garlic, onion, italian seasoning, basil, pepper, whatever you like)
• simmer on low heat for as many hours as possible. add a tablespoon of baking soda to cut the acid if desired.
• brown the meat in little chopped up bits and put the same spices you used for the sauce in the pan (make sure there's no red visible anymore)
• dump the browned spiced meat AND the liquid drippings into the sauce pot. (trust me. the drippings are where all the flavor comes from.) 
• continue simmering the sauce. it should be on the stove for at least 3-4 hours before you serve it to really get the most taste.

garlic bread

• mix up some melted butter, grated parmesan, and garlic powder or garlic salt in a small cup or bowl
• cut the italian bread into 1-inch-thick slices, without cutting all the way through to the bottom of the loaf.
• spread the butter mixture between every slice, wrap the whole thing in tin foil 
• stick it in the oven at 250-300* depending on your oven for about a half hour to an hour, checking it regularly to make sure it doesnt burn. 
• once the inside is a nice light brown (the slices will be slightly crispy but softer in the middle) it's ready to go.

spaghetti/angel hair/linguine/whatever

• boil some water in a pot and put a capful of extra virgin olive oil in the water if desired
• cook the spaghetti. (that was super easy, right?)

option 2:

ingredients

• 1 lb box of spaghetti/angel hair/whatever - $0.98
• 1 jar of premade spaghetti sauce (i prefer the "meat flavored" prego) - $1.88
• 1 loaf of italian or french bread - $1.88
• 1 canister of grated parmesan cheese - $2.48
• butter/margarine/butter substitute - $1.98
• garlic powder or garlic salt - $0.98

follow the directions from option 1, skipping the make-your-own-sauce bit.

light some candles, turn on some easy listening music and voila, you have a super fancy dinner for less than 15 bucks! :)

and yes, in case anyone was wondering, i am terrific while watching the price is right. if i ever got on that show i would win ALL the things because i know exactly how much pretty much anything costs.

my girlfriend calls me and asks "how much does this thing cost" and i can tell her right away. once we were at pier one and she was buying xmas presents for all her co-workers and non-family obligations (about 20 people total.)

she looked in the basket when she was done and said "how much money do you think i spent?" and i hadn't even been with her when she picked out half the things--i was off wandering on my own--so i didnt even see any of the prices. but i looked over her basket of presents, gift bags, wrapping paper, gift tags, cards, ribbons, etc for all 20 people, and i said "around $215 bucks." she paled and said there was no way. i just shrugged. we got up to the register, they ran her up.. total including tax? $211.78.

she just looked at me. and now its like a party trick.

and hey, that was a lot of money but broken down she only spent about 10 bucks a person and included the gifts themselves, the wrapping, cards, etc. not too shabby.

any way, i hope you all enjoy the upcoming holidays and i hope somebody out there benefits from this post.

until next time, dear minions. :)

Rainbow Smoke Asian Cigarettes?

one of my favorite things to do is research. people in my life know that if it exists on the internet, i can find it. and it's fun for me. i can spend hours looking for the most obscure things, and i find it very calming.

today i saw a post on a dear dear friend's facebook wall. my friend, pixi, is well known for being the queen of all things rainbow and her friend had shared a very cool image of some rainbow smoke, and a very beautiful cigarette pack. it seemed to be photoshopped, but it piqued my interest and it turned out i was far from the first person on the internet to rabidly search for this amazing product.

unfortunately, this image is, in fact, photoshopped. but wait! the smoke in the lower image is what's photoshopped. the top image? totally real. that is an actual pack of cigarettes. don't believe me? check these out:

yep. this is a real pack of cigarettes. and a real carton.

the cigarettes are from china, and they're called "08 pride" (pride is the english translation of the word 自豪 or "zìháo".) the barcode number is 6901028025607 and the packaging included the web url pride56.com, which is no longer an active site. they were manufactured by the chongqing tobacco industry co., ltd. in chengdu city, sichuan and include the customer service phone number 800-8866622. and yes, i said were.


from what i can gather (bearing in mind i don't speak chinese and things DO get lost in translation!) this particular design has been discontinued as the original company was overtaken. "08 pride" cigarettes are still manufactured by china tobacco chuanyu industrial corporation in chengdu city, sichuan. they seem to have retained the same phone number.

unfortunately, "08 pride" cigarettes don't look like that any more. the design is similar, but lacks the rainbow-y holographic-y accents.

and no, neither edition of this cigarette blows rainbow smoke. however, if blowing rainbow smoke is what you're after, there are about a billion filter tips and e cigs to sate that desire.

peace out and smoke 'em if you've got 'em!

DO's and DON'Ts for Able-Bodied People

If you are able-bodied and you come across a disabled person (particularly in public), here's a handy list of how (and how NOT) to act. Each one of these is something that I personally or friends of mine have experienced from total strangers.

1. DO NOT ask to "try out" or "play with" my assistive device and do not get angry or upset if you do ask and I say no. This includes walkers, wheelchairs, service dogs, braces, canes, crutches, glasses, and anything else that I may be using to help me. They are not toys, they are expensive to replace, and it's incredibly rude and demeaning. I actually need this to function.

2. DO NOT pet, approach, or talk to my service dog. He is working. If you distract him from doing his job, I could get seriously injured.

3. DO NOT ask what my assistive device or service animal does for me. It's incredibly rude and none of your business.

4. DO NOT ask me "what's wrong with you?" It's incredibly rude and none of your business, and the answer is always going to be, "There's nothing wrong with me. What's wrong with YOU?"

5. DO NOT walk through an automatic handicapped door when I have just pressed the button to open it. It only stays open for just so long, and I need to get myself and my assistive device through it before it closes. You can either wait until I go through or use a non-automatic door to enter/exit the building.

6. DO NOT walk right on top of me. This applies ALL the time, but especially on ramps. Going up a ramp with an assistive device can be difficult and takes more effort than going down it unless I am in a motorized wheelchair. Going down the ramp, I have to hold the brakes on my walker or grip the wheels of my manual wheelchair tightly to make sure I don't go flying down and injure myself. If you are walking right behind me and forcing me to go faster than is comfortable and safe for me, it not only makes me nervous but could lead to me getting hurt. Use the steps or wait until I have cleared the ramp to use it. I NEED the ramp; you do not.

7. DO NOT push past me to get in an elevator. The elevator is not going to leave without you if you allow me to get on it before you. However, there is a good chance that if I am prevented from getting on the elevator until the last minute, that the doors will close on me and/or my assistive device and can, again, cause me to get injured or even break my assistive device or hurt my service dog.

8. DO NOT stare at me. I am not a sideshow attraction and I am positive this is not the first time you have seen someone using an assistive device or with a service dog. Either way I am not here to entertain you. I'm sure you don't like to be stared at, so don't do it to other people.

9. DO hold the door! You should do this with able-bodied people as well; it's just the polite thing to do.

10. DO offer to help if you see me struggling to get my assistive device into a car or through a doorway.

11. DO NOT get angry if your help is (politely) refused. It's appreciated that you offered, but I may not need your help.

12. DO treat me with respect. I am a human being and I have feelings.

13. DO NOT tell me what you think will cure/help/"fix" me. If it's a legitimate treatment for an ailment of mine I have probably already tried it. My doctor knows how to help me better than you do.

14. DO NOT tell me stories about your aunt/third cousin/penpal who had "something similar" and just "pushed through it" without whatever assistive device I am using. They probably didn't REALLY have what I do and even if they did it doesn't mean they were in the same condition medically that I am. What you are really saying is, "I just don't think you're trying hard enough. You must like being disabled."

15. DO NOT be insulted if I don't wish to discuss my medical history with you. It's incredibly rude and none of your business. I have things to do and am not required to take time out of my day to discuss my personal issues with you.


That's my list! What dos or don'ts would YOU add to this list?